Who's a Bully? You're Really a Coward

OK.  So we all know what a bully is (thank you, President Trump).

 But a new study says that an aggressor isn't always a bully.  I guess we know that, too.

 According to newswise.com, an aggressor is not necessarily a bully -- and that matters.  

 Spotting a bully is more nuanced than it might seem, because there is a difference between general aggressive behavior and bullying.  They are not the same thing, a new paper by a University at Buffalo psychologist who is among the country’s leading authorities on aggression, bullying and peer victimization, says at the web site.
“It’s important for us to realize this distinction, in part because every aggressive behavior we see is not bullying,” notes Jamie Ostrov, lead author of the forthcoming paper to be published in a special issue of the Journal of Child and Family Studies.
“Certainly aggressive behaviors are problematic in their own right and also deserve our attention, but recognizing the differences in the two behaviors means we can begin a discussion about whether we have to do something different with interventions related to general aggression.”
Ditchthelabel.org says that 1 in 2 people report being bullied before their 20th birthday.  It goes on to explain that "those who bully are far more likely than average to have experienced a stressful or traumatic situation in the past 5 years. Examples include their parents/guardians splitting up, the death of a relative or the gaining of a little brother or sister. It makes sense because we all respond to stress in very different ways. 
"Others use negative behaviors such as bullying, violence and alcohol abuse," it continues, "which temporarily mask the issues but usually make them worse in the long-term. The research shows that some people simply do not know how to positively respond to stress and so default to bullying others as a coping mechanism."
Sound like anyone you know?
Merriam-Webster describes a bully as a blustering, browbeating person; especially one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or vulnerable.
Bullies may initially appear strong (again, thank you, Mr.  President).  But they're really very weak -- cowardly, even.  They're overcompensating for the fear of being thought less than others, or being rejected, or just not measuring up in some way.  
When an individual feels powerless in his own life, it may trigger bullying. A bully feels powerful when he intimidates others, betterhelp.com points out.

The need to control is another one of the top reasons why people bully. There can be many reasons why a person needs to feel in control. Unfortunately, some of these people engage in bullying to gain control of their surroundings.  You wouldn't think a president would need to do that.

But I guess if you feel weak and insecure enough,  you might feel you have to.

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