"You Never Listen to Me." Try a Prompt

OK.  Who's ever started to tell a partner a story and have him (sorry, guys!) interrupt to talk about something entirely unrelated? I'm thinking, tennis.  Oh, wait, that's my husband.

Of course, women do it, too, but a new study says that, instead of complaining, women,  prompt. 

It's that simple, apparently, according to a newswise.com story. Since men, when they hear a problem, typically try to solve it, the web site notes, that infuriates women.  But that's not what they want.  Most times, it's just to vent.

A prompt reminds your spouse of what you're seeking. Lifelong habits are hard to change, for all of us, and that's why a prompt can make all the difference, putting something on a partner's radar in advance so that you're less likely to feel disappointed afterwards.

A form of assertiveness, prompting is how we're good to ourselves, not leaving something to chance when we can increase the odds. Better to offer a prompt rather than simply hope that the memory of our last relevant conversation — even the last five conversations — will be at the forefront of our partner's mind.

It's simple.  Asking for what we need and want — the essence of assertiveness — has in many studies been found to enhance the quality of marital relationships: assertive partners tend to be happier partners, according to  Roger A. Russell, who's quoted at the site.

But so much depends on how we assert ourselves, our tone of voice and the words we use — whether we come across as bossy and demanding or gentle and patient. If you've made your particular request known in prior conversations, a simple prompt will remind your partner of that request and increase likelihood that you'll get what you’re hoping for.

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